"Nothin" Now Available on iTunes

Love's Roller Coaster Now Available on iTunes

Peach Ciroc

All the social networks are buzzin. Peach Ciroc has hit the streets. You woulda thought it was new dope the people are carrying on. I don't hop on drink bandwagons. I prefer Jack over Hennessy, guess I'm old school. I'll admit, that Coconut Ciroc is my shit though. If I'm invited to a shindig, they know I'm bringing that Coconut and Papaya juice. But this peach shit though? I was never big on "peach flavoring." Now i can eat a real peach all day.(pun) So this shorty said she wanted to chill last nite so I went and grabbed some GREEN THINGS and headed to the good ole Windsor Inn.
When I got to the counter I started to debating wheather not i wanted get it. So I asked the girl behind the counter what to mix it with and her exact words were, "Shiiiiiiiit nigga. It's so smooth I been drinkin it straight since Friday. And I been late to work ever since friday!" Well damn.

I get to my destination and the bottle gets popped. With my first sip, instant bitter beer face. Eww. I took another sip. Eww. I taste like Ciroc and peach flavoring. To me it's like some old Victoria's Secret lotion. Only an 8th of the bottle was consumed. I'm damn Diddy, leave the liquor alone and get 112 back together. But as much as I dislike this drink, I already know it will losen up those feminine thigh muscles thus making my new favorite booty call companion.

and she calls me mean

She's gotta cold heart, and she mean as hell.

But those green eyes keep me under her spell.

She stole my heartbeat. She moved my car seat.

That's why I'm out here with a sign that says love for sale. La-la love for. La-la love for sale. I carry my own cross and she gave me a box of nails. So watch yourself. Wa-wa-wa watch yourself. She'll steal your beating heart and put it on her top shelf.

I'm Gettin Old Yall

I know I'm gettin old. Rap music is starting to suck. If I do listen to the radio, its talk radio. I notice how disrespectful and misguided the youth is. I be up in the the club and I think to myself: "Damn, these bitches is old. Damn, these bitches is my age!" I can't put beers away the way I used to. If I drink 3 beers now, I'm takin a nap. Everything gives me gas. EVERYTHING. Brushing my teeth gives me the winds (gas). I don't even rock the mean lean when I'm driving these days. My gas mileage went way up beacause I drive super slow now. Shorty wants to bang all night long. All night long? I ain't 20 no more. I can guarantee one great episode but a repeat performance is out of the question. So when I'm lookin for my shoes and socks please don't rub on my balls trying to get an encore because the only thing I wanna do is go home, make a sandwich and catch some z's. I took Viagra one time. You know how the commercial says if you have an erection that lasts more than 6 hours see a doctor? Mine lasted more than 6 hours and I didn't call a doctor I called more bithces and had a heart attack. So ladies, I ain't selfish, I'm just worried bout my health. As soon as I get gray pubes I'm gettin a pipe, a smoking jacket and a handicapped tag for the car.

I'll call you back...

You ever have to tell a girl that cuz you don't want to talk to her no more? It's the easiest way to get off of the phone. "I'll call you back.....'click'". Now you can go make that sandwich or finish playing that game or rolling that blunt, or doing anything you do a lot better without talking to her. But, you know it's coming. It might not be the next day or even the next week, but that call is coming. The "why you didn't call back?" call. So we'll avoid that call to avoid the "why you didn't call me' conversation. That sucks. Recapping why i didn't call back. Well, first of all, i was done talking to you at that time and i'll call you back is the easiest way to peace out. You can't really tell her that so you avoid texts messages and calls. So you end up losing a friend. Boo-hoo. If your game is tight as pigeon pussy (like mine) you'll be albe to call her in a few months and tell her some bullshit ass story. "I got robbed, and all they stlole was my phone." "I 've been calling you and i kept getting a busy signal, must've been the network." "You know I do volunteer work in Guatamala right?"It may take a few months but you ain't gotta really explain yourself.

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